Free Range Children

The Guardian

" Andrew Lansley the Secretary of state in charge of the Department of health has called for a review of the school meals given to children under the age of 7, after a recent surge of fox attacks has caused a huge decline in their numbers.
Mr Lansley issued this statement;
'It is only logical that the reason these foxes are dying is due to the fact that our children are unhealthy. If you ate a poorly kept chicken you would become unwell and then there would be an inquiry into the standards of care for poultry.

We are only doing what seems obvious to us. These foxes would not have died if our children had been healthier; which means that our children are unhealthy. At least to foxes, which usually eat rubbish without becoming unwell.
Do we want to live in a world where our children are dirtier than bins?'


Mr Lansley's claims have been backed by Barney Reed, the spokesperson for the the Senior Scientific Office of the RSPCA. Mr Reed who holds an MSc in Applied Animal Behaviour and Animal Welfare and a BSc in Psychology says that to a fox "We're like junk food. Once they've had a taste they cannot get enough. There is so many additives in our food that it has in fact made us addictive. We are not meant to be eaten, like a kebab, which makes them do it more. We're the forbidden fruit of the canine world."
Jamie Oliver is said to agree whole-heartily with the initiative, and that he is immensely interested in trying to help with the campaign.

Although classified as a carnivore, red foxes are omnivorous and are highly opportunistic. Prey can range in size from 0.5 cm insects to 150 cm red-crowned cranes. The majority of their diet consists of invertebrates, such as insects, mollusks, earthworms and crayfish. They also eat plant material. Common vertebrate prey includes rodents (such as mice and voles), rabbits, birds, eggs and small reptiles. And now small children after the spate of attacks on them. With the first attack on a child by a fox being on the 7Th June 2010 when a small fox attack two nine-month old twins.
Forensic experts suspect the smell of the blended McDonald's attracted the foxes, who recognised it from rubbish.
The children we're destroyed in a controlled explosion two days later for fear of them attracting foxes into the hospital ward.


In similar news; a herd of Badgers in Brighton stormed a KFC last night. No-one was seriously harmed. "