Ed Mili-Banned

The Times

" Claims that David Miliband, has placed a restraining order on Ed Miliand, his brother, have been verified by Scotland Yard this afternoon. The news came out after police were called to Ms Kozak's home on her 70Th birthday after her two sons arrived and an argument broke out onto the street.


Sir Paul Stephenson, the Commissioner of London's Metropolitan Police Service, told reporters that 'Mr D. Miliband make Mr E. Miliband aware about the restraining order he had requested be taken out upon him. Mr E. Miliband was, quite understandably, upset about this and a fight broke out.
The police were only called out after David had a Tesco value cake hit over his head causing him concussion, he was then dragged into the road where Edward continued to verbally harass him. Edward was arrested for assault and kept in a cell overnight, he has now been released on bail. David is currently being kept overnight in hospital, his injuries are not serious.
We expect no further charges to be made against Edward, but will be looking into the restraining order more seriously now.'
This is not the first incident where the 'Miliband-Brothers' arguments have been a danger to the public. In early 1997 David and Edward broke their 10 year silence at dinner in a restaurant in London. When asked what he would like to eat David said "Just cook my up Edward, he looks enough like an octopus with that head of his". Edward apparently then shouted at him in Latin and attempted to drown him in the lobster tank. The restaurant in question has since closed down. However, Edward and David did have to pay compensation to the owner, a Mr G. Ramsey.


It is speculated that Mr D. Miliband tried to get the restraining order set up after his brother was rumoured to be winning in the race for the leader of the Labour party. By placing the restraining on him, Edward would be unable to go into work, and the second in command would most likely take over. This news has coincided with rumours that many of the MP's for the Labour party have had various allegations brought against them. Many of which we cannot comment upon for legal reasons.
The MET said that "Every single charge brought against a member of the public is important to us, we hope to have these issues resolved before the election race as we are aware it could seriously hinder the politicians in the party from doing anything at all."
The Prime-Minister is said to have "Not been surprised by this petty fighting in the Labour Party".
His Number 2, Mr Clegg, has said exactly the same. "