" The body of the highly esteemed Liberal Democrat politician Menzies Campbell, was found in a forest near Brighton earlier today. Menzies had recently escaped from a police van after a Liberal outcry regarding the coalition's budget cut released on Tuesday.
Mr Campbell was found by a small tree. The police report indicates he was 'Half buried in a hole'.
A dog walker saw the body at around 12:30pm and immediately called the police. Retrieval of the body was held up, however, when it was found the lower part of Mr Campbell's body was being eaten by a small group of badgers, all of which had to be culled by police.
Mr Campbell's body was taken to a local mortuary where the Deputy Prime Minister was waiting to identify the body. Nick Clegg was said to be 'deeply upset' by the incident, and has not left his study since returning around 2:30pm. There are fears that he may be drinking heavily. His alcoholism was a major factor in the coalition being set up. The Prime Minister made it clear to Mr Clegg that he needed a 'stoic and supportive deputy, who had a clear head at all times'.
The 34Th brigade who served with Menzies Campbell in the Vietnam war, where he lost his left arm, will be holding a service tomorrow in the Mr Campbell's hometown. He went into service after his gift in short distance running gave him the advantage in attacking. He held the British 100 metres record from 1967 to 1974, having run the distance in 10.2 seconds, and captained the Great Britain athletics team in 1965 and 1966. And was given the nickname 'the fastest white man on the planet'.
The whereabouts of the other missing Liberal Democrat politicians; Danny Alexander, Annette Brooke, Jeremy Browne, Alistair Carmichael and Peter Brand are still unknown. "
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