David Milipede

A week or two in the tabloids.

The Observer

" Yesterday David Miliband was forced to apologise after deeply offending the visiting Chinese Ambassador. After a 'North American Millipede' ran out of his breast pocket and continued to attempt to mate with Mr. Miliband's eyebrow.
Mr Miliband is reported to have been "deeply shocked" after the incident and hoped that this would not effect relations between the two countries.

"I didn't think she would wake up for another 15 minutes, she was sleeping there until we arrived back at the hotel. I was worried the cleaner would throw her out. I thought my pocket would be the safest place for Milly. I am, of course, aware that my name is similar to creature, but we are in no way related."

Mr. Miliband is apparently looking after the pet for a friend whilst they are away on business. Mr. Miliband would not disclose the owner in question, but states that they will "not be claiming the holiday on their expenses". A comment deemed inappropriate by his peers in the wake of the expenses scandal.
It is rumoured to be the pet of the Ex-PM however Mr. Brown is yet to comment on situation.

Recent Chinese law forbids anyone but specially trained wranglers to interact with the arthropods after they nearly wiped out half of the population of Beijing. After it was discovered that a large amount of toxic waste was accountable for the mutation and creation of the 50ft Millipedes which were recently in the news, China has cut it's carbon footprint by 45% by taming the beasts and putting them in huge 'Hamster-Wheel based turbines'.
An initiative is being looked into in the UK after this ground breaking technique was conceived, where sound waves from the combined voices of Jeremy Clarkson and Kyle are funnelled toward a pool of water. The waves then turn a turbine..
It is thought this could power an area the size of Scotland.


Aids to Mr. Miliband are worried the incident, now referred to as "Mili-gate", may seriously affect Mr. Milliband's chance of being the next Leader of the Labour Party.
The bookie's have put his odds at 74/1, placing him in second place. "